How Do I Love Thee?

For the second time I've been given the opportunity to do a study on the Fruit of the Spirit. I'm enjoying it because this study is from a different perspective than the first one I did and I'm learning a lot. Yesterday in our group we were talking about love, specifically Agape Love. One thing the study pointed out that I really appreciated was that Agape is not fueled by the desire of its recipient; it is fueled by the need.

Not what I want, but what I need.

That's how much God loves me, enough to lay aside what I want (no matter how much whining I do!) in favor of giving me what I need. It doesn't always feel good to be loved this way! Sometimes it hurts and I don't understand what He's doing but because I trust Him, I can trust that He is doing what is best for me.

He also calls me to love others in this way. I think this is a concept our world has a hard time understanding. We tend to think that if we make someone the least bit uncomfortable we aren't being loving to them.

My sister's husband Fred has been in the hospital for a couple of weeks now with an assortment of health issues that brought him to the brink of death. He's had a perforated bowel, kidney failure, heart trouble, fluid in his abdomen and needs a liver transplant. He went through a surgery to repair his bowel and has been on dialysis to clear his body of the toxins that are overwhelming his system.

Things have been going well since the surgery and he's regained enough strength to be a pain! He doesn't understand why he's in the hospital, he's been in a drug induced fog for several weeks and doesn't know how close to dying he came. He pulled his catheter out of the artery it was in because he wanted to go home. Fortunately my sister spotted it and he was fixed right up but now because of his antics (of which this was only one) he is in restraints. He's yelled and used profanity, begged people to release him, asked for scissors or a knife all because he desperately wants out of those restraints!

But no one will help him out. Does nobody love him? No, it's because we love him that we won't untie him. It could be life threatening to remove the restraints at this point.

It's hard to overlook what someone wants and go straight to what they need! Tracy (his wife) has to put up with all of this while she stands guard. It takes a toll, it's hard work to choose the best for someone instead of what they think they want. But it's exactly what we're called to do.

Love is the first one listed in the verse on the Fruit of the Spirit but goodness ties directly into this type of Agape love.

Goodness is moral excellence; virtue, generosity; the activity calculated to advance value, excellence or perfection. The word indicates zealous activity in doing good.

Goodness carries the idea of purity, righteousness, obedience to God. The Greek word used here (agathosune), interestingly enough is not found outside of Christian writings. It was a word used only among believers to denote uprightness of heart and life. Agathosune is active – even aggressive – goodness. It is more than excellence of character; it is character energized, expressing itself in active good. Agathosune is goodness but it does not spare sharpness and rebuke to produce good in others. This is the trait that will get out the red pen when correcting a math assignment and mark the incorrect ones.

The popular world view right now is that we should all be nice to each other; that is what is considered “good”. We are all well aware of what it means to be politically correct so we don’t offend someone. On the surface it seems like that's a fine idea but we’re comparing people to people in this equation and we have left God out of it. God’s goodness goes beyond “just being nice to each other”.

If I love my children and want “good” for them I will have boundaries for them and I will train them in God’s righteous standard. This one can be so hard! Sometimes when we're disciplining we see the big sad eyes filled with tears and we think our job is done and we don't need to punish them. If you're thinking that, you're right. You don't ever, ever want to "punish" them. You want to discipline them. What's the difference?

Love your kids enough to discipline them. Sometimes I want to love them selfishly because it's hard for me to actually mete out disciplinary action. In this case, I am loving me more than them.
If we are parenting with the end in mind we can see that every thing we're doing is going to produce certain fruit in their lives; good or bad. Which do you want to sow?

Likewise, there are occasions that we as brothers and sisters in Christ will need to admonish one another in order to provoke each other to goodness. This takes humility both to give and receive.

If you are on the giving end humility is extremely important so that you don't fall into the same situation you're trying to rescue someone from. This type of correction has to be done in love and with the goal of restoration. We should never go into this kind of situation thinking we need to "fix" someone or make them "wise up". Pray, pray and pray some more before you go there!

If you're on the receiving end of a correction it can be even more challenging! My pride wants to just jump up there and smack someone! I try to pray every day for humility and that I would be teachable because sometimes I need to hear a hard word. My husband has on occasion had to call me on a behavior or an attitude and my flesh wants to rise up and poke him with something sharp and pointy!

But I always try to run these things by the Lord and respond instead of react. Whenever someone accuses me of something the first thing I do is ask the Lord, “Is there any merit to what they are saying?” If yes then repentance is in order and then the next thing I ask the Lord is “What do you want me to learn from this?” Even if there was no merit to what they said, if the Lord allowed it then there is something I can learn from it.

Surrender to Him, humility, empathy for someone else who had the same situation occur, there are any number of things He teaches me in this stuff but the key is to be humble and open to Him.

If you trust that God is good then you have to realize that He will rebuke you. Hebrews 12:5-6 says, "My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives."

Love. It's not just a feeling. It's not flowers and candy. It's hoping for and encouraging the best. It's acting in the best interest of those we're loving to spur them to righteousness.

Love me enough to do this for me and I will try to do the same for you.

Reflecting...

In church for the last few weeks we've been going through the book of Acts and this past Sunday saw us in Acts 3-4. At the beginning of chapter 3 we find Peter and John heading to the Synagogue to pray when they are flagged down by a lame man who wanted alms from them. If you've read the story you'll remember that this where Peter stated "Silver and Gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you; In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" A very cool, very bold statement since it would be kind of embarrassing if nothing happened.

But the guy was healed and began jumping around praising God. At least he got it right! The others in the story, when they heard about it tried to worship Peter and John and had to be corrected. (Though this was a very nice segue for Peter right into the gospel message. Gotta love Peter! :) )

There were some things here that our pastor pointed out that I hadn't caught before. The first thing being that Peter and John were flexible to the direction of the Lord. Their agenda was to go pray, God's agenda saw a lame man healed and hundreds of people saved. They set aside their plans for the day in favor of doing what the Lord put before them and saw some serious fruit as a result.

They didn't get to enjoy the success for very long before trouble came calling though. As soon as the spiritual muckety-mucks got wind of what was going on they tried to put a stop to it. They grabbed Peter and John and dragged them before the Sanhedrin and tried to shut them up.

This being Peter he gave them a sermon too! Really, gotta love Peter!

The religious leaders wanted them to stop teaching or even speaking about Jesus and there was just no way they could do that. I wonder if at some point Peter and John realized they were beginning to walk in their Lord's footsteps? Did it embolden them? Strike fear in their hearts? Maybe a little of both? At any rate, Peter wasn't about to be bossed around by these guys, persecution or not! His response to them was, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard." Acts 4:19-20

All of that was good but there was one thing Pastor Doug said that really arrested me. He asked, "Is your tribulation worth the salvation of another man's soul?"

I've spent a couple of days turning that question over and over in my mind and came up with a couple of more questions for myself.

Will I be obedient to what He's asked me to do? Even if it causes me to be uncomfortable or tosses me into tribulation of my own? Will I set myself aside for the sake of another? And the one that really got me; What effect does my disobedience have on those around me?

In the text if Peter and John had not turned aside they would have missed the opportunity to heal the lame man. Yes, God is God and His will won't be thwarted but it still would have had an impact on the lame guy and by extension the people who gave their lives to the Lord as a result of Peter's speech. At the minimum they would have had to wait for the next guy to come along and who knows what could have happened in the interim.

We just don't know what kind of an impact our response to God is going to have on those around us. In thinking all of this through the Lord reminded me of a lesson He taught me a few years ago. No body's salvation was at stake but it was a lesson in obeying even when I didn't want to and it did impact my marriage from that day until now. You don't want to know what it was do you? ;)

The argument began the way most of our arguments do I suppose; one of us didn't get our way and protested. However it began, I will never forget how it ended. We were in the car with all the kids headed across the Trestle into Everett. I remember it being a warm, sunny day out but it was pretty frigid in the car. Both of us stared straight ahead, wrapped up in our own private thoughts and refusing to acknowledge each other.

Being the spiritual one I was talking to the Lord. Okay, I was whining like a petulant two year old. "Lord he . . . whine, whine, whine!"

I knew the Lord wanted me to reach across the center console and take Jon's hand but the way I was trying to get out of it you'd have though He'd asked me to put my hand into a running meat grinder! I did not want to do it so I continued to "pray"; "But Lord he....!"

Will you do it for me?

Oh that cut deep! That quiet question posed to my heart, would I reach out to my husband simply because He asked me to? All of the fight drained right out of me and I reached across and took Jon's hand in my own. As soon as I did I saw the fight leave him too. We both apologized, dealt with whatever it was we were arguing over and peace was restored in our family.

I have no idea what that fight was about and I don't remember what I whined to the Lord about my husband. I remember His quiet question and the effect it had on my heart though. He convicted me and I was able to repent to Him and then to my husband. My obedience (finally) in that situation restored peace in my marriage.

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

It's not always easy to obey though, is it? We want our way, especially if we feel we've been wronged. We want justice! We want vindication! We want our own way.

I have found though that if I simply come clean with the Lord and ask Him for help in obeying Him, He gives it.

Pretty simple isn't it? He knows what I'm thinking anyway so it's not like I will surprise Him if I say I don't want to do what He's asked. I'm not saying talk to Him like you're a spoiled little kid! He is God Almighty and deserves respect but He does love you and wants to help.

So ask Him.

Ask for the strength to obey when you've exhausted your own. Ask for His heart for that person you just don't want to love. Ask Him to help you set aside your agenda when He wants to change your plans. Ask Him for boldness to stand firm and speak His word in the face of persecution, that's what Peter and John did.

"I delight to do Your will, O my God,
And your law is within my heart." Psalm 40:8

Recycling!

I had decided that I would put up a new post every day this week since I haven't been very good about it but let's just be honest here, I'm a little bit lazy! :D (Well, that and I have four kids I'm trying to homeschool and one of them is wrestling her math so I have to be available. ) I decided that for today I would repost one of my favorite things I've written. It's a few years old but I remember that camping trip like it was yesterday. And since I don't have much in the way of readership who's going to complain?! :P Besides, I'm just doing my part to go green and recycle! :)

~

For days the air had been hot and heavy, pressing down on us like a thick blanket that left us breathless and lethargic. So when the breeze started we welcomed it. It skittered through the campsite like a playful child, flipping the pages of my book until my place was hopelessly lost but I didn't care. The cool breeze ruffling through my hair made me feel as if I were awakening from a dream that had lasted far too long.

All through the camp people were coming out of their trances. Suddenly kids on bikes were everywhere and adults were walking about chattering like they hadn’t seen each other for days.

I wanted to enjoy the turn in the weather but deep inside me a warning was going off. Something was urging me to clean up the campsite. The strong pull to get everything put away and batten down the hatches didn’t seem to fit with the gentle breeze and cloudless blue sky but I couldn’t ignore it.

I hadn’t been cleaning more than a few minutes before I noticed clouds skittering by overhead. The urgency inside me grew and I worked faster. Then someone reported thunder and lightening down by the lake. This news kicked everyone into high gear; tarps were thrown over tents, campsites secured, children and pets were rounded up and tucked inside.

Before we had fully tied the tarps down the first fat drops began to fall. It had gone from hot, still weather to windy torrential rains in less than 20 minutes. We sat huddled in the tent listening to the thunder roll for over an hour.

Finally, the rains eased and the thunder rumbled off in the distance but the wind was reluctant to leave. No longer the gentle breeze that had playfully ruffled my hair, it was now in a full blown tantrum. The tall pines overhead danced and swayed, waving their branches as if in wild applause.

The day was chased away by the fast approaching darkness but the wind still would not subside. As night fell we snuggled the little ones into the tent and settled down by the fire. I usually find evenings at camp to be soothing and peaceful but this night the wind tormented the flames, whipping and swirling them around, blowing hot acrid smoke in our faces before flinging it off into the blackness somewhere along with my peace.

In that dense darkness I could hear the trees creaking and groaning with every blast from the unrelenting wind. Finally, one could take it no longer and we heard it crack then fall with a loud crash somewhere in the inky black night.

I’m sure my eyes were wide with the terror I felt because Jon immediately tried to sooth me. He wanted to go make sure the others were safe but the thought of him disappearing into the darkness caused all of my insides to twist into knots. Finally, though I was reluctant to let him go, concern for our friends won out.

As I watched the beam of his flashlight disappear into the night the huge black void pressed in and surrounded me. I was small and vulnerable, helpless against the power of the wind that lashed about me. I sat there in the dark, alone and afraid.

“Be anxious for nothing.”

The whispered thought crept into my mind amidst the frenzied thoughts of crashing trees and smashed tents. I tried to grab it but I was being tossed wildly about by the fears whirling through my head.

“Be still.”

Though again it was only a quiet whisper the words seemed to carry all His strength and power. Suddenly, the storm that raged in me was calmed and His peace flooded my soul. I was no longer at the mercy of the storm. Instead I saw myself as a tiny flame that was cupped in large strong hands, protected from the wind.

There are so many storms that blow through our lives and most of them are unexpected. We’re just going along enjoying the sunshine and out of the blue the thunder rolls, the lightening flashes and the wind tries to tear us apart. Our minds whirl with fear and doubt and we wait anxiously for the dawn, wondering if it will ever come.

When the night is black and closing in on you, remember He is near. With but a word He created all that we see. With a whisper He can calm the storm or the child caught in it. His love for you is more powerful than the fiercest gale and He cares for His own, whether they are huddled by a campfire or wandering in the dark.

I was lulled to sleep that night by the sound of the same wind that moments before had terrified me.

I know One who is bigger than the storm.

“My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.”

Psalm 62:5-8

Do I trust you Lord, when I don't know "Why"?

I was in Half Price books one day and picked up the Hans Christian Anderson’s Complete Book of Fairy Tales. As I was flipping through it on the ride home I happened upon a story about a mother whose child was dying. In the story a man knocks at her door and she lets him in. After he’s seated himself she goes to get him some food but when she comes back into the room not only is he gone but he’s taken her dying child as well.

The mother goes outside to find him and is told that he was death and had taken her child. For most of the rest of the story she’s not only chasing him down but she’s also trading various parts of herself for information on where he’s taken her child. She gives her hair, her eyes and so on because nothing is more important to her than regaining the life of her child. Finally she’s told that the lives of all people are stored in this green house and that she will know the plant that represents her child by listening for its heartbeat. She did find hers and when death showed up to “replant” her child into a new garden she threatened to uproot all the other plants to save her child.

Death explained to her that he only did what he did at God’s bidding and could not do otherwise. The mother argued so death, having retrieved her eyes for her had her look into a well that showed the future of two lives, one of which was her child’s. One life was full of hope and promise, the other was bleak, dark and very unhappy. So unhappy that the mother was finally willing to let go of her child if it meant sparing her from that kind of a future.

It was a sad, strange story that captured my attention and wouldn't let me go until I'd finished reading it.

After reflecting on the story for awhile I came to realize that we are often just like the mother in the story. Whether it's my child or something going on in my life I tend to want to control the situation. Sometimes the pain seems unbearable and I don't understand why I'm going through what I am, or why my loved one is suffering the way they are.

As far as this story is concerned, I know if it were my child I would probably follow the same path she did. I thought the story, while strange, was a very good illustration of why we need to choose to trust God even when we don't understand. Or maybe it should read; "especially when we don't understand." He sees the big picture and while some of the things that enter our lives are painful, He can be trusted.

These are not things He just missed and let slip through! No, anything in your life whether you perceive it as good or bad, has been allowed for a specific purpose.

We have to be very careful that we don’t confuse the true and living God of the bible with the soft, squishy marshmallow god of this world. The world wants a god who is molded to the shape they want him to take. They want a god of good times who will make everything easy and smooth. The god of least resistance, but this false god of smooth roads, upbeat outcomes and personal happiness is not real.

The true and living God is nothing like this false idol, He is far bigger, someone much greater!

For the True, Incarnate and Almighty God has never spared his people from pain and hardship if there were greater things to be gained.

Jesus never promised to help us avoid life’s storms but to be with us in the midst of them.

Jesus never promised Mary and Martha that their brother would not die, but He did promise that He himself was the resurrection and the life.

He never promised that we would not hunger, but He did promise to be the Bread of Life.

God never promised to keep his people out of the fiery furnace but rather to show up when the flames burned their hottest.

The Biblical God, the Incarnate God, our redeeming God, our merciful God never said that He would save us from the storm, but He did promise to be with us through the storm.

Some promises He did make to us . . .

“Lo, I am with you always”,
“let not your heart be troubled”,
“I will never leave you nor forsake you”,
“let not your hearts be afraid. Believe in God, Believe in Me.”

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

His goodness may not always manifest itself as we think it should but it is always perfect and exactly what we need. And then we have the joy and the privilege of giving that comfort away...

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4