Sisters

I was standing on the side of the pool breathing the humid chlorine filled air when my gaze was drawn to them, two sisters splashing noisily. They were giggling and chasing each other in an impromptu game of tag that left me wishing I could jump in and play too. The blond one said something that caused the dark haired girl to throw back her head and laugh with such abandon that I had to smile, even though I didn’t know what was said. Though both were married with children of their own I could see the little girls they had once been.

I wanted to call to them and tell them to enjoy this moment. I wanted to point out to them just how blessed they were in case they didn’t know, but instead I just stood there silently watching as the ache in my chest grew. It was a strange kind of feeling, bittersweet because I was happy for them but at the same time jealous of their friendship.

I shared that kind of friendship with my sister once upon a time. We watched each other’s children, shared secrets, went shopping together and all the things sisters do. Then one day she met a man and fell in love with him. Normally I would have been happy for her but this man was addicted to crack cocaine and had problems with the law. He also happened to be our cousin’s boyfriend and had a child with her.

My sister disappeared with him one day and I worried about where she might be, if she and my four year old nephew were safe. Finally they called. They were in Las Vegas and had gotten married in a drive through chapel with my nephew asking for fries from the back seat. It was one of those “If I don’t laugh I will certainly cry” moments.

The only reason they had called was because they’d run out of money. The big sister in me wanted to send some right away but Jon said “No.” I knew he was right but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My new brother in law began to rant about what hypocrites we were because we wouldn’t send money. He raved about how if we were truly Christians we would help them out. Jon finally had to hang up on him and we didn’t hear from them again for over three years. I didn’t know where they were or how to contact them.

I cried.

I cried a lot.

Finally I came to a place where I had to give my sister to the Lord. He reminded me that He loves her far more than I ever could. He reminded me that He desires a relationship with her even more than I do. And He reminded me that He is God and knows right where she is and how to reach her.

Why am I telling you all of this? I’m not really sure other than she’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’d love to be able wrap all of this up with some wonderful lesson but I’m still new at this writing stuff and I don’t know how. Instead, I will tell you a little of what I’ve learned from this whole thing.

First, I had to let go of my sister because she was standing between me and my husband and ultimately between me and God. I had always seen her as my responsibility and to many times I put her first. God used the situation to realign my priorities; Him first, then my husband (little sisters don’t make the top two when you’re married).

Second, I learned to trust Him with her. If there is someone you love who has wandered off the path, know that God knows right where they are and what it will take to bring them back. He loves them more than you do.

Third, don’t take your relationships for granted. We don’t know what the future holds and time is too short to be nit picking. If it is an unhealthy relationship then ask the Lord to fix it but be willing to let it go if that’s what’s needed.

And fourth, don’t spend all your time mourning something you no longer have. It may hurt but God removed it for a reason. If you can take your eyes off it to look around, you will probably find He has given you many more blessings in place of whatever was removed. I have many friends who He has brought to fill that void. They laugh with me, cry with me; encourage me when I doubt myself. I can count on them to be there for me when trouble comes or share a Strawberry Frappaccino on a warm spring day.

A couple of them would probably even go swimming with me if I asked them to.